I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
