But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
