I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
