guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize