quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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