Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
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