Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
