Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
