look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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