i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Randomize
