why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
