apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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