Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
