if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
