Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Randomize
