Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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