I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
