I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
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