he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Randomize
