I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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