Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
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