the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I faked an abortion last night.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
