Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
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