it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
