fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
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