this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Randomize
