Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
