What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
