New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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