ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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