i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
i can't believe i had my finger in that
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Randomize
