Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
