I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Randomize
