Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
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