Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
