Ambien. No doubt about it.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
