so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Randomize
