His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I need a beard to bite.
Randomize
