Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Randomize
