and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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