Will you blow on my dice?
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
