i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
