Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
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