I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Randomize
