Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
