Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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