I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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