if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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