I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Randomize
