omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
